"Life
is indeed difficult, partly because of the real difficulties we must
overcome in order to survive, and partly because of our own innate
desire to always do better, to overcome new challenges, to
self-actualize. Happiness is experienced largely in striving towards a
goal, not in having attained things, because our nature is always to
want to go on to the next endeavor."
As a wife and a mother, I am always looking to better myself and the life of my family. Sometimes in life its hard to determine the next step. Years ago, 10 to be exact, I enlisted in the Air Force. I couldn't afford to go to college so my intentions were to serve for 4 years and use the GI Bill to go to school. I did not intend to meet the man of my dreams and become a mother at such an early age. However, life has a way of turning out the exact opposite of what you plan. No worries. I fell in love quite quickly and within 6 months we were married with a kid on the way. humm... My parents weren't thrilled,but I was in love and couldn't have been happier. So fast forward 3 years and another baby later, my husband had re-enlisted and I was just separating from the AF. I wanted to be a stay at home mom until the kids started school, but I wanted to start school too. I was at a crossroads. I decided to be a stay at home mom and go to school. The problem was I didn't know what I wanted to study, but that's another story entirely. Needless to say, I was going to school full time while my husband got out of the AF and we transitioned to civilian life. (It was pretty tough in the beginning) We moved out of State and started our new lives. Finishing school was an accomplishment that I am so proud of. I did it! It was difficult, going to school full-time, being a mom of 2 young children and a wife, who's husband worked so much at times I felt like a single mother. There were times I wanted to give up, I was having anxiety attacks, and would spontaneously start weeping during lecture or while driving home. Thinking back makes me realize how strong I was.
So now here I sit, degree in hand wondering what to do now. With my husband's work schedule being so unpredictable and with no family to help with the children, I'd be forced to put them in before and after care if I went to work. So after long talks we decided for the time being it would just be best for me to stay at home and stay involved in the kids school.(Which I volunteer regularly.) We are so blessed that he has a job that we can afford for me to stay home.
I am happy with this decision don't get me wrong; I am able to pursue all my dreams and ambitions, but I still struggle with many things. What should or could I be doing now to better our lives? What can I be doing to purse my true calling in life? There are so many questions that are unanswerable. I'm sure I'm not the only person in life that has trouble figuring out what to do next after they finish college, if they aren't happy with they current career or whatever. I'm sure I'm not the only person who is clueless on how to plan the next chapter in my life. Or am I? I don't know. I pray daily, asking God for guidance and purpose, I try to open my heart and listen, but I'm still unsure. Who knows what the future holds for my family and I.
I've decided that instead of questioning life so much, instead of trying to prepare for every moment, just live it. "Man is born to live, not to prepare for life."
Barbara Hall said, "You're alive. Do something.The directive in life, the moral imperative was so uncomplicated. It
could be expressed in single words, not complete sentences. It sounded
like this: Look. Listen. Choose. Act."
